Why Living Abroad Is Awesome. And Why It Sucks.

I have been living in Korea for six months now and it has been both the best and the hardest thing I’ve ever done for myself.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about being here.  Some days I feel like I can’t stand one more minute in this country.  Others I actually consider extending my stay longer than one year.      

So let me tell you why living abroad is absolutely awesome.

I have become independent. 

I don’t just mean paying my big girl bills on time and working a big girl job.  I mean that I feel confident to go out, do things, figure things out, and travel on my own. I really feel like I can rely on myself.  I definitely appreciated having someone with me the first time I went traveling.  I was pretty terrified after all and the first couple of days were so overwhelming that I can barely even remember them now.  But now with that first experience out of the way, I feel like I could go ahead and do it on my own.  And I plan to.  I might even have a trip up my sleeve for next winter just for myself that I’m pretty excited for.  The confidence that comes with experience is very liberating.  Even just having experienced new and scary things makes other new and scary things less daunting. 

The sights.

There really is a lot to see in this world, both natural and man-made.  The natural scenery that I’ve gotten to see is absolutely beautiful.  Korea, Japan, Hawaii- breathtaking, all of them.  And looking over some of the largest cities in the world at sunset is difficult to describe.  It’s certainly beautiful.  But it makes you feel so small.  A similar feeling to looking out over the ocean for the first time.  Yeah.  An ocean of man-made structures.  You can always look at pictures of places, but seeing them firsthand is an experience that no amount of resolution can replace.

The people.

While living abroad, you not only meet people from the country you’re staying in, but you meet people from all over the world as well.  I thought I had an open mind before.  And I considered myself to be pretty knowledgeable.  I really did.  But when you meet these people from everywhere and you listen to their stories, what their life has been like growing up and otherwise, the things they’ve done, what their country is like, what the countries they’ve been to are like – you realize the extent of your own ignorance.  It instills in you a craving to see and do more, to experience and learn more.  A craving that won’t be satisfied.  Thus begins the addiction to traveling. 

The money.

The cost of living in Korea happens to be much cheaper than living in the States.  So with our salaries, we have been able to take trips to other areas of Korea or even Japan, go out and experience the nightlife and dining, and still build up our savings account. 

The food.

I had a really hard time adjusting to Korean food.  I won’t touch seafood and had a strong aversion to vegetables which cut out most of the Korean diet.  After being served Korean food for lunch every day for six months, I’ve adapted a bit.  (I still will never touch seafood, but I’ve at least warmed up to the vegetable thing.)  Now that I will actually eat some Korean food, the benefit of it is that it’s all really healthy.  There’s not a whole lot of processed or fatty food here like back in the States and all the portion sizes are normal for a single meal.  So there’s much less over-eating and what you do eat is significantly healthier. 

Culture differences.

 There are some things about Korean culture that are really excellent.  At the grocery store, for example, your groceries are not put into plastic bags.  You box everything up into recycled boxes and take it home.  You can even have it delivered to your home if you want.  Carrying a single box is much easier and more efficient than using ten million plastic bags.  And it doesn’t kill your fingers either.  Or at restaurants, instead of your waiter constantly coming to check on you with that awkward interruption of conversation, there’s a button on every table.  If you need something, you push the button and page your waiter.   Or public transport. Public transport is awesome here.  And cheap.  This is something that the US doesn’t really have and really really needs.  Sure, some of the bigger cities have some subways or bus systems going.  But most of the country is seriously lacking in its public transport services.  The U.S. really needs to get on the ball. 

I’ve listed off why living in Korea is pretty great.  But now let me tell you why it sucks. 

Culture Differences

There are a lot of things about Korean culture that drive me up a wall.  The lack of any sort of organization or planning is the biggest one. When it comes time for something, nothing’s ever ready and it’s all just thrown together. It really doesn’t help that there’s no communication at all and no one ever knows what’s going on.  I’ve gotten pretty good at doing things on the fly because everything is done last minute and I’m never told anything.

The whole hagwon institution really gets under my skin too.  Hagwons are private “schools” in Korea that exist for the sole purpose of making money.  Teaching the students and seeing to it that they learn something doesn’t matter.  As long as the parents are happy and keep paying the school to “educate” their child then it doesn’t matter.  The customer, I mean the parent, is always right after all.  These kids end up in classes that are way above their level and they sit there not paying attention, cheating, and doing whatever they can to get by because it’s far too advanced for them.  And then when it’s time, we bump the whole class up a level.  It doesn’t matter that half of them failed the level test.  The parents want to see that the kids are “improving”.  And by that I mean that on paper they can see that their kid graduated from level 9 to 10 and that looks good to them.  It doesn’t matter that the kid can’t read and needs to go back to the basics.  If you tell the parents that the kid should go back to level 3, they’ll be outraged.  And they won’t pay you money anymore.  Best not say anything and let the kid keep cheating to keep up.  Oh and don’t forget field trips!  That should be fun right?  The kids should have a good time and hopefully learn something while they’re at it.  Er, yeah.  Sure.  How about instead, we line them up at various picture points, snap photos, and then take them back to school.  That way there’s proof that the kids “had fun”.  Don’t let them explore that science museum or anything.  Pictures only.  Or how about that time we had to cancel the school musical because the parents kept complaining about the parts their kid got?  Even after drawing parts out of a hat?  Yeah…

Loneliness.

To move abroad, you generally have to leave everything behind.  Your friends, your family, your job, your favorite places, your possessions, everything.  And you watch as everyone’s life goes on without you.  You see pictures of your friends without you at the activities that you used to do with them.  You feel like an outsider in your own family because everyone is together and making memories that you won't be a part of.  You try to set up skype dates, text, email, or message your friends and family.  But the reality is that your relationships fade.  And you realize that people you used to see every week-sometimes multiple times a week- you haven’t even spoken to in six months. 

But you’ll make new friends! Yeah, yeah.  And those of you who are out of school now are probably realizing this too- It’s pretty damn hard to make friends once you graduate.  Proximity facilitates friend-making.  The people you see all the time-in class, in your dorm, at club activities end up becoming your friends.  When you don’t have those opportunities in your life anymore, it becomes much more difficult to develop relationships with people. 

And that’s not all.  When you live in an expat community, people come and go as often as Hollywood marriages.  You hang out with someone a few times, decide to get to know them, and then you find out they’re leaving the country in a week, a month, whatever and you’ll never see them again. Someone mentioned this to me recently and I have to agree.  You almost have to ask someone how long they’re staying before trying to build friendships because sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it.  Goodbyes are hard and painful.  And an expat’s life seems to be full of them.  It certainly hinders the friendship-making process when your would-be friends (or  you) pack up and leave as you just start to get to know each other. 

So yes, I've done and seen a lot while I've been here.  I've grown as an individual and as a partner in my marriage and I've enjoyed a lot of things while staying here.  But sometimes it's really hard.  The benefits don't always seem to outweigh the costs and that can make it hard to appreciate my time here.   However, I do know that I am grateful for the chance to live abroad and that it probably won't be my last time doing so.  It certainly won't be my last time traveling at least.