Why Living Abroad Is Awesome. And Why It Sucks.

I have been living in Korea for six months now and it has been both the best and the hardest thing I’ve ever done for myself.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about being here.  Some days I feel like I can’t stand one more minute in this country.  Others I actually consider extending my stay longer than one year.      

So let me tell you why living abroad is absolutely awesome.

I have become independent. 

I don’t just mean paying my big girl bills on time and working a big girl job.  I mean that I feel confident to go out, do things, figure things out, and travel on my own. I really feel like I can rely on myself.  I definitely appreciated having someone with me the first time I went traveling.  I was pretty terrified after all and the first couple of days were so overwhelming that I can barely even remember them now.  But now with that first experience out of the way, I feel like I could go ahead and do it on my own.  And I plan to.  I might even have a trip up my sleeve for next winter just for myself that I’m pretty excited for.  The confidence that comes with experience is very liberating.  Even just having experienced new and scary things makes other new and scary things less daunting. 

The sights.

There really is a lot to see in this world, both natural and man-made.  The natural scenery that I’ve gotten to see is absolutely beautiful.  Korea, Japan, Hawaii- breathtaking, all of them.  And looking over some of the largest cities in the world at sunset is difficult to describe.  It’s certainly beautiful.  But it makes you feel so small.  A similar feeling to looking out over the ocean for the first time.  Yeah.  An ocean of man-made structures.  You can always look at pictures of places, but seeing them firsthand is an experience that no amount of resolution can replace.

The people.

While living abroad, you not only meet people from the country you’re staying in, but you meet people from all over the world as well.  I thought I had an open mind before.  And I considered myself to be pretty knowledgeable.  I really did.  But when you meet these people from everywhere and you listen to their stories, what their life has been like growing up and otherwise, the things they’ve done, what their country is like, what the countries they’ve been to are like – you realize the extent of your own ignorance.  It instills in you a craving to see and do more, to experience and learn more.  A craving that won’t be satisfied.  Thus begins the addiction to traveling. 

The money.

The cost of living in Korea happens to be much cheaper than living in the States.  So with our salaries, we have been able to take trips to other areas of Korea or even Japan, go out and experience the nightlife and dining, and still build up our savings account. 

The food.

I had a really hard time adjusting to Korean food.  I won’t touch seafood and had a strong aversion to vegetables which cut out most of the Korean diet.  After being served Korean food for lunch every day for six months, I’ve adapted a bit.  (I still will never touch seafood, but I’ve at least warmed up to the vegetable thing.)  Now that I will actually eat some Korean food, the benefit of it is that it’s all really healthy.  There’s not a whole lot of processed or fatty food here like back in the States and all the portion sizes are normal for a single meal.  So there’s much less over-eating and what you do eat is significantly healthier. 

Culture differences.

 There are some things about Korean culture that are really excellent.  At the grocery store, for example, your groceries are not put into plastic bags.  You box everything up into recycled boxes and take it home.  You can even have it delivered to your home if you want.  Carrying a single box is much easier and more efficient than using ten million plastic bags.  And it doesn’t kill your fingers either.  Or at restaurants, instead of your waiter constantly coming to check on you with that awkward interruption of conversation, there’s a button on every table.  If you need something, you push the button and page your waiter.   Or public transport. Public transport is awesome here.  And cheap.  This is something that the US doesn’t really have and really really needs.  Sure, some of the bigger cities have some subways or bus systems going.  But most of the country is seriously lacking in its public transport services.  The U.S. really needs to get on the ball. 

I’ve listed off why living in Korea is pretty great.  But now let me tell you why it sucks. 

Culture Differences

There are a lot of things about Korean culture that drive me up a wall.  The lack of any sort of organization or planning is the biggest one. When it comes time for something, nothing’s ever ready and it’s all just thrown together. It really doesn’t help that there’s no communication at all and no one ever knows what’s going on.  I’ve gotten pretty good at doing things on the fly because everything is done last minute and I’m never told anything.

The whole hagwon institution really gets under my skin too.  Hagwons are private “schools” in Korea that exist for the sole purpose of making money.  Teaching the students and seeing to it that they learn something doesn’t matter.  As long as the parents are happy and keep paying the school to “educate” their child then it doesn’t matter.  The customer, I mean the parent, is always right after all.  These kids end up in classes that are way above their level and they sit there not paying attention, cheating, and doing whatever they can to get by because it’s far too advanced for them.  And then when it’s time, we bump the whole class up a level.  It doesn’t matter that half of them failed the level test.  The parents want to see that the kids are “improving”.  And by that I mean that on paper they can see that their kid graduated from level 9 to 10 and that looks good to them.  It doesn’t matter that the kid can’t read and needs to go back to the basics.  If you tell the parents that the kid should go back to level 3, they’ll be outraged.  And they won’t pay you money anymore.  Best not say anything and let the kid keep cheating to keep up.  Oh and don’t forget field trips!  That should be fun right?  The kids should have a good time and hopefully learn something while they’re at it.  Er, yeah.  Sure.  How about instead, we line them up at various picture points, snap photos, and then take them back to school.  That way there’s proof that the kids “had fun”.  Don’t let them explore that science museum or anything.  Pictures only.  Or how about that time we had to cancel the school musical because the parents kept complaining about the parts their kid got?  Even after drawing parts out of a hat?  Yeah…

Loneliness.

To move abroad, you generally have to leave everything behind.  Your friends, your family, your job, your favorite places, your possessions, everything.  And you watch as everyone’s life goes on without you.  You see pictures of your friends without you at the activities that you used to do with them.  You feel like an outsider in your own family because everyone is together and making memories that you won't be a part of.  You try to set up skype dates, text, email, or message your friends and family.  But the reality is that your relationships fade.  And you realize that people you used to see every week-sometimes multiple times a week- you haven’t even spoken to in six months. 

But you’ll make new friends! Yeah, yeah.  And those of you who are out of school now are probably realizing this too- It’s pretty damn hard to make friends once you graduate.  Proximity facilitates friend-making.  The people you see all the time-in class, in your dorm, at club activities end up becoming your friends.  When you don’t have those opportunities in your life anymore, it becomes much more difficult to develop relationships with people. 

And that’s not all.  When you live in an expat community, people come and go as often as Hollywood marriages.  You hang out with someone a few times, decide to get to know them, and then you find out they’re leaving the country in a week, a month, whatever and you’ll never see them again. Someone mentioned this to me recently and I have to agree.  You almost have to ask someone how long they’re staying before trying to build friendships because sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it.  Goodbyes are hard and painful.  And an expat’s life seems to be full of them.  It certainly hinders the friendship-making process when your would-be friends (or  you) pack up and leave as you just start to get to know each other. 

So yes, I've done and seen a lot while I've been here.  I've grown as an individual and as a partner in my marriage and I've enjoyed a lot of things while staying here.  But sometimes it's really hard.  The benefits don't always seem to outweigh the costs and that can make it hard to appreciate my time here.   However, I do know that I am grateful for the chance to live abroad and that it probably won't be my last time doing so.  It certainly won't be my last time traveling at least.  

Seoul Sights and Tokyo Lights

Last weekend Andrew, one of my closest friends, came to visit and spend a week with Alan and me.  We met him in Seoul on Friday night and spent the weekend there.

We started bright and early Saturday morning with a tour of the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ)-the border between North and South Korea.  Despite the name, it's the most heavily guarded border in the world and being there is a slightly surreal experience that gets your nerves going. We started at the Joint Security Area (JSA) where you get to see ROK (South) and KPA (North) soldiers stand face to face.

Blue buildings of the DMZ belong to the South.  Tan buildings belong to the North.
The three ROK soldiers in the picture are purposely stationed this way.  Two of the soldiers stand partially behind the building to both make a smaller target and to allow them to covertly gesture to their comrades if needed.  The third soldier in the middle is the commanding officer of the other two.  

KPA Soldier

You're not allowed in any way to communicate, gesture to, or point at the North Korean soldiers and you have to sign a waiver that states the tour company holds no responsibility if you're killed or injured if hostilities break out.

Surrounded by North Korea on three sides

North Korean Observatory

After witnessing and feeling the nearly tangible tension at the front of the JSA, you're taken to one of the ROK buildings that is surrounded by North Korea on three sides.  From there, you can see a KPS observatory, the Bridge of No Return, and even Kijongdong (Propaganda City).

Propaganda City is an uninhabited city that was created by North Korea to look as though people were living there.  The buildings are hollow and the windows empty.  A skeleton crew of workers does routine maintenance to keep the appearance of habitation.  Before signing the agreement to stop, they would broadcast propaganda loudly enough to be heard from the South.  They emphasized the goodness of North Korea and its leader and encouraged South Koreans to defect to the North.  

 The next stop in the JSA was the Bridge of No Return.  At the end of the Korean War, POW's were lined up at this bridge and told they could cross into the country of their choosing.  But once they crossed, they could never return.  Hence the name.

"Immigration stamps" to enter North Korea

"On" the train to North Korea

After touring the JSA, you're taken to Dorasan Station.  There is a railway that connects North and South Korea and used to be active.  Dorasan was the last stop in South Korea before crossing into the North.  You can no longer cross into the North via Dorasan, but you can visit the station.  For a small fee, you can get "tickets" to Pyeongyang (the capital of North Korea).

Near Dorasan Station is the Dora Observatory.  You're supposed to be able to see pretty far in North Korea.  Unfortunately for us, it was foggy.  Really foggy.

 The Third Infiltration Tunnel, however, was pretty cool to see.  Since 1974, four tunnels have been found that are believed to have been dug by the North for a military invasion.  We got to go down into the third tunnel that was found in 1978 following a tip from a Northern defector.  It was really deep under the ground and the air was really musty.  You could go all the way up to the first barricade set up by the South to prevent its use.

That wrapped up our DMZ tour.  We booked through the Koridoor tour company and I'd say it was well worth the money we paid.  I wish the Observatory hadn't been a bust, but the rest of the tour went really well.






Our next Seoul adventure was at the Coex Aquarium.  It's located inside the enormous Coex mall and was really neat.  They had all sorts of exhibits with aquatic animals (and even non-aquatic animals) from all over the world.

The next day consisted of a trip to Gyeongbokgung

Palace and Seoul Tower.  The palace is always cool to see, but none of the original buildings after being razed to the ground twice by the Japanese.  Since then, a little over a third of the buildings have been reconstructed.  

Seoul Tower

At the end of the day, we caught the sunset at Seoul Tower.  

Futons to sleep on

This week was the Lunar New Year in Korea.  Which meant that I had a four day weekend.  So Andrew, Alan, and I hopped on a plane to explore Tokyo for a few days.  The trip was awesome.

We stayed at a ryokan (Homeikan Ryokan), a type of traditional Japanese inn that features futons on the floor for beds and bathhouses to bathe in.  I thought it was a very nice place to stay with a really nice private bath and the blankets they had were gloriously comfortable.

Ladies in kimonos

Our first Tokyo adventure was at the Sensoji Temple.  There were people dressed up in traditional Japanese garb (kimonos for the ladies) and you were able to experience a bit of the Buddhist religion.  There was a hand-washing station where you drank a small amount of the water and poured a bit on your hands and a giant incense bowl where you could light your own incense stick.

Buddhist service

When we got there, there was a Buddhist service going.


They also had fortunes available.  For a small fee (100 yen), you shook a box full of sticks until one came out.  The number on the stick corresponded to a drawer containing your fortune in it.
My fortune turned out well as did Andrew's.  It said whatever I lost, I was going to find, sick people in my life would get well, my job was going well, and that I'd be happy in my marriage.  Alan's however, said the complete opposite.  Guess he's got a rough year ahead of him.  And we might have a problem if I think our marriage is going splendidly but he thinks it's awful.  XD

Menu at a snack place

Exploring the city, it's interesting to see how anime and cute things in general are such a big part of the culture.

"Don't rush onto the trains"

Gates to the temple grounds

The next day, we spent some time at another temple.  The Meji Temple.  While the scenery at Sensoji Temple was beautiful, the grounds here were a bit more down to earth and nature-esque.

That evening, we caught the sunset at the Government Building Observation Deck.  The sun was setting behind Mt. Fuji and it was a beautiful sight to behold.  It made the volcano look as though it were on fire.

Shibuya Crossing as seen from Starbucks

That night, we stopped at the Shibuya Starbucks for a bit to watch the Shibuya Crossing.  It is said to be one of the busiest crossings in the world and it's a pretty good place for people watching.  

Saturday, we headed out to see the Imperial Palace Grounds.  You can't actually see the palace since the royal family still lives there, but the parks and gardens are beautiful for a nice walk and good conversation.

There were even flowers in bloom.  In January.

We went to AquaCity for a late lunch where we got to see the "Goddess of Liberty".  A replica of its American counterpart.  And you could see Tokyo Tower in the distance.  A replica of its French counterpart.

We tried Japanese ramen for lunch.  And after having American, Korean, and Japanese ramen, I'm going to go ahead and say that Korean is definitely my favorite.  American ramen is skimpy and Japanese ramen is really really oily.  At least mine was.  But Korean ramen is really good.  Yep, definitely my favorite.  

There's a giant, life-size gundam in Tokyo.  It's awesome.  I can't imagine these guys straight out of an anime duking it out in the middle of a city.  He was two stories tall.  

Not only does Tokyo have life sized gundams, they have pokemon centers too.  

On our last morning before our flights home, we strolled through the Ueno Zoo.  It's a small zoo, but it was really nice since most of the animals were visible even when sleeping.  And while we were there, most of them were up and moving.  

Overall, this trip has been a great experience.  I've really appreciated the good company and conversations with a close friend and my husband and the chance to see and explore new places with the two of them.  

A Not So White Christmas

I'm not really sure why people hope for white Christmases.  Spending Christmas in Hawaii with 75 degree weather all week was one of the best holidays I've ever had.  I can't really say that I missed anything about the snow and cold.  After spending the last couple months shivering in a winter coat at work all day, walking around in shorts and a tank top was quite liberating.

The day we left was the first day we had snow that actually stuck in Ulsan.  And the entire city freaked out.  It normally takes me 45 minutes to an hour to get to work in the morning.  But with the light dusting we had, it took me two hours once on the bus to get there.  I was already only supposed to work a half day, but I was an hour late to work.  And, when I was nearly there (At least in terms of distance, not time) my supervisor called me and said that none of the kids were really showing up anyways and I didn't have to come in.  After spending an hour and a half on the bus at this point, I assured her that I wasn't turning back now.  When I finally got there, I sat in the office for an hour  while the few kids who braved the glitter watched a movie. Then left. I'd say it was a pretty easy last day of work.  

Our backyard from the condo

Our flights went smoothly and we met up with Alan's dad and brother at the airport in Lihue on Kauai.  The first thing we did when we got to the condo was swim in the ocean.  The weather was gorgeous and the water was warm.  Having a beach for a backyard is pretty darn nice.  

Throughout the week, we had a great mixture of rest and excitement. We took a helicopter tour around the island and saw some of the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen.

We also went snorkeling.  I had never done it before and I was awestruck by life, diversity, and colors in just the shallows of the ocean. 

This poor sea turtle washed up on the beach tangled in fishing line.  They roped him off while waiting for a vet to arrive.

Sea urchin...ouch!

We took a boat tour around the island.  And coming to Hawaii, I had only one goal in mind.  I wanted to see a whale. It was all I could think about on this tour.    And I did!  I saw a whale!  Better yet, I saw four!  I couldn't snap a picture in time, but I did get a shot of the friendly neighborhood dolphins.  

The boat tour was really enjoyable.  We had to get up well before dawn, but seeing the sunrise on the ocean was quite the experience.  

And the term "sea legs" has a whole new meaning for me.  It wasn't exactly a relaxing cruise through the waters.  The crew somehow seemed to move about the cabin and deck as if we bobbing along rather than chopping our way through the waves at high speeds.  But the rest of us had to cling to the rails, walls, tables, and each other to keep from falling or flying.  

The crew was really pleasant and they all had cool stories to tell.  I was somewhat disappointed with the snorkeling location since there wasn't as much to see, but if sea sickness doesn't bother you, then I'd say the day was overall a great experience.  

The Filer men and I rented bikes one of the days and we took a long bike ride to a remote beach. 

We took a nice long hiking trip in Kokee State Park.  At the top of one of the mountains, there's a green picnic table to find.  We hiked all the way up to the top and found it.  

Green picnic table at the top

Alan and I took a kayak/hiking trip down the Wailua River.  We were the first ones out on the river that morning and we got to be the first ones to hike to the "Secret Falls".  The way there was long, hard to follow at times, and as dry as it could be.  

I don't think Alan appreciated the mud too much.

But it was well worth the hike.  

We also had some adventures just relaxing around the condo.  Feral chickens are ubiquitous on Kauai and we had a couple of chicks that kept coming back to see us.  After luring them in with some pretzels, I managed to catch one.  He wasn't necessarily happy.

The board games made their debut as well.  We had an epic game of Settlers of Catan and spent a couple of nights getting our butts kicked by Alec at Set.






Christmas Day itself was lovely and relaxing.  Alan's mom set up a scavenger hunt for us and the two teams raced for the finish.  We exchanged gifts and cards and just enjoyed the time in each other's company.


Overall the trip was great.  I loved getting outside and doing things in the warm sun.  It was luxurious to have everything be in English.  It was great to not go to work for a week.  And it was wonderful to make some memories with my new family.